i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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