When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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