Your mouth is God's brothel.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
