I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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