The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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