He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
