So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
