so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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