I'm drive I can fine osifer
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
