last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
