u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
