I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
