Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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