I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
