I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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