we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
