If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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