he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
