i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
