I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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