She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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