It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
