i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
