Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
