i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
