Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
