I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
