I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
