If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
