Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
