Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
And then he peed in my hair
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