I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
