do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
