So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
