5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
