Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
