Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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