I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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