So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
