i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
