i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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