Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
