susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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