I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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