i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
