Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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