Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
third nipple confirmed
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
