I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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