she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
