Can i not drive my cunt home
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
