I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
