your room smells of hookers.
And success
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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