Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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