You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
