Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
