tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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